When Feelings Lie

Here are some questions to ask yourself when you aren't sure how much you can trust what you're feeling in the moment:

What are the facts of the situation?

List them out as objectively as you can.  Separate the facts of the situation from the conclusions that you might jump to.

For example, instead of jumping to conclusions: "my boyfriend and I are fighting and he's going to leave me and I'll never find anyone else and I'll be all alone."

…take a step back and look at what happened.  "My boyfriend and I had an argument. We were both feeling a lot of emotions at the time and said things that we usually don't say."

What are you feeling?

Once you know the facts, it's important to identify what exactly you are feeling in the situation. Sometimes we think we know what we're feeling, but it can be helpful to actually list those feelings out and name them clearly. 

"I am worried, angry, sad, embarrassed about the argument we had."

How do the facts line up with what you are feeling?

What evidence is there to show that your feelings are actually telling the truth? In what way might your feelings be misleading you? In the above example, the fact is that you had an argument. Arguments can lead to break ups, but that hasn't actually happened. 

What has happened before?

Think back to similar situations and how they have worked out. 

You might say to yourself, "We've had arguments before and have always made up in the end."

Your feelings play an important role in how you process events in your day-to-day life. It's also important to evaluate situations through a filter that can identify facts and reality. Separating your feelings from facts will help eliminate un-necessary stress in your life and can also improve your relationships with others.